OK...so i would say that i failed at the spartacus workout..i only did one round of it and then thought...ok im going on the treadmill to finish..i can workup to finishing it..hopefully on friday i finish the whole thing..the sad thing is that im soooo out of shape, that even just from one round of it i was so dead and wanted to throw up...i actually had to stop and hold it in...every time I think im going to throwup i think of bob harper from biggest loser, where he was yelling at this girl because she was quitting, because she was going to throw up, and he said if youre going to throw up that grab that bucket and do it and get back to work..if i dont see you throwing up im going to yell at you and make you workout harder...it was something along those lines...i loved it...so everytime i think im going to, i think of that, pause for 5 seconds and push myself a little harder...it sucks but i guess it will be worth it in the long run....

Is rice good for you? i always wonder if its even good for you but never seen to want to look it up..oh well.. im having rice and mixed veggies for lunch!  some people are probably like..umm gross what a bland lunch..but im actually craving it bad HAHAHA. sheesh

tootles

spartacus?

Going to be starting a new workout...the spartacus (blood and sand), ive done it before and i find it really hard..the last time I started it..i only did it 3 times in one week, and then never attempted it again, I feel like i really need to start it up again, and stick with it, I need to accomplish something and stick with something for once in my life, and i figured, what better thing to start with, its hard, will make me feel better about myself, and will be a huge accomplishment knowing that i have stuck with it...i also want to be able to see progress in myself with my weight, and with doing this working and if i can do the moves better after a while, because they are hard!!!!!

if you are interested just youtube" Spartacus: Blood and Sand "official workout"...it should be a guy with ripped abs lol that looks like a spartacan..is that how you say that...no idea..but you should get the point..i hope ..oh well lol

anywho..about this weekend, my mom was over since my dad is hunting, and i went nuts with the food and ate way to much of bad stuff, I was down to 189 and im back up to 193.. FUCK MY LIFE! why do i do this to myself??? i seriously need someone to just yell at me all the time and someone to make my food and lock all the other food away..but i guess i need to learn self control..its just hard when i want to eat everything under the sun haha...back to working out I go!!!!

Weighed in today! i really dont like the scale at my doctors...because my scale is telling me that im 191.6lbs...which is awesome, but I just dont like the fact that their scale is telling me 198, now they have on file that im bigger then I am...argggggg lol. oh well. i guess this is all i have to say for now..

SIGH

NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT NOW!
NEED TO WORKOUT EVERYDAY
NEED TO EAT BETTER
NEED TO DRINK ALOT OF WATER
NEED TO BECOME MOTIVATED IN LIFE
NEED TO BECOME MORE CONFIDENT IN MYSELF
NEED TO MOVE OUT OF DADS
NEED TO FIND A JOB SOMEWHERE
NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL
NEED TO BUY A HOUSE
NEED TO HAVE A FAMILY

ARRRRRRRRGGGGG

Yesterday, I had a doctors appointment..this is the first time I have gone to my doctors for something other then a meet and greet, and the first doctor I have had in about 3 years...so hard to find one thats taking on new patients...luckily I asked if there was any other doctors available in the office for Jason, and there was! 2 women and one male, so he got the male doctor..YAY! ..
Anywho, I had all my blood pressure, and all that other crap done, and a weigh in and height check, and the friggin scale said 198...WHAT THE FUCK! ..this can not be...I know I spent the day at my sisters and I had eaten and had tea right before going, plus I wore my sweater, so I am sure this has something to do with it!! I sure hope so atleast!

Ive been finding the last week and a bit really stressfull...or maybe im depressed, not having work, and living at my dads is taking a toll on me and I just dont want to do anything anymore, its like...I wake up at 8 and i just dont want to move...whats the point right..then I get up and take ty out, and then i just feel llike coming in and sitting on the couch!..i really need to get out of this habit but its so hard right now.  

42 day until our honeymoon, and im freaking out because i know i wont look awesome, like i could have if i had of kept working out after we got married, now i have to lose like 15 pounds just to get the what i was 3 months ago...wtf was i thinking when i started eating like a fat cow, cramming everything I possibly could into my face! uhhhh...im so dusgusted with myself..not to mention, i got a total beat down by the doctor saying im overweight and need to lose this weight. No shit...its just hard..someone shoot me?

since i dont really know if anyone reads this, I dont really care about spelling right now, or if im blabbing on about the same shit over and over and over, this is for me, not for you.

FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the day Jason proposed (niagara falls)

Camping 2010..Short hair!!

Jason & I went to Vegas!

in vegas (180-185lbs)

My WEIGHT and MEASURMENTS!

Height- 5'6

Starting weight: 193 pounds

Goal Weight: 130-135 pounds


Measurements:

Bust: 40 inches

under the bust-35 inches

around stomach(belly button)- 42 inches

hips-45 inches

sigh.....ive never been this big before..the biggest change ive noticed is under my boob area..someone just punch me out right now?